


grey gaze

by rouilletree



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Harry Potter Next Generation, Lots of drama, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, almost too much drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-23 14:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23713084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rouilletree/pseuds/rouilletree
Summary: the first thing lily notices about the boy who stands before her is his shock of platinum blond hair. the second is that his eyes are grey.grey, piercing, fierce.familiar.
Relationships: Scorpius Malfoy/Lily Luna Potter, Scorpius Malfoy/Rose Weasley
Comments: 49
Kudos: 66





	1. where it all began

**Author's Note:**

> author’s note:  
> hi! this story will be split into four parts — i was planning to publish it all in one go but the word count would be too high. so, keep your eyes peeled for the next update! please vote, comment, and share.. if you’d like to listen to music while you read, i recommend “human” by dodie. enjoy the story!

[“grey gaze” cover art here!](https://rouilletree.tumblr.com/post/615844582225248256)

-

june 1 2035

the one and only lily luna potter stands, holding up six fingers to a barmaid as her best friend staggers up to her and puts his arm across her shoulders. she can smell the firewhiskey on his breath. 

“lilyyy,” he says with a slow drawl, “did you order those all just for me?”

she pushes him off, looking away. “scorpius, you’ve got to slow down. the night has barely started — it’s only 11pm and you’re already drunk.”

a barmaid sets six butterbeers on the table in the corner where the six of them — lily, scorpius, albus, james, teddy, and lorcan — sit. they hold up their butterbeers and bellow, “to the witch who made it all happen!”

lily stands and bows deeply, dramatically, with a flourish. her bright red hair whips up when she comes up and sits back down.

“and to the man of the night, and the man of tomorrow — scorpius! hyperion! malfoy!”

the men raise their glasses and go off to play darts. scorpius bolts up out of his seat to follow and nearly collapses just as fast. lily is quick to steady him. she sits him back down before he really hurts himself. he slings his arm back across her shoulders and his breath is warm on her neck when he whispers, “lily, you know i’d be nothing without you. you mean so much to me.”

she does not look at him now. “you’re just drunk.”

then he grabs her chin and makes her look right into his eyes, his molten silver eyes.

and for that moment, that one moment she wishes would last forever, lily thinks back to where it all began. 

-

_september 1 2017_

_the first thing lily notices about the boy is his shock of platinum blond hair. the second is that his eyes are grey._

_grey, piercing, fierce. lily sits, quietly observing the blond boy in the distance. his father, whose appearance is duller — sadder eyes and worry wrinkles and silver streaks in his hair — brushes lint off the boy’s shoulders and plants a kiss on his forehead. lily is safe to shamelessly stare from her spot, sitting on her trolley surrounded by a sea of red-headed family members._

_quiet isn’t usual for little lily, so her brother james elbows her a little harder than she’d like and asks what she’s staring at, weirdo. lily snaps back and soon the boy with grey eyes is lost in the crowd._

_lily waves goodbye to both of her older brothers and her cousin rose. she wipes a tear away before her parents can see and pastes a wide smile onto her face. she needs to be cheerful, even if they’re gone. even if she’s alone, now._

-

june 1 2035

lily gives them an easy smile. “i’m going to go now. albus, you’ll look after him?”

her brother nods and takes scorpius off her hands. she allows herself one more look before she goes. scorpius’ gaze is on the floor and he waves her off. 

“you’ve got to go now, haven’t you? go and get ready for tomorrow.” scorpius keeps his solemn gaze on hers for a moment before giving her a smirk and staggering off.

in any case, she has to go. so lily shrugs her coat back on and apparates back to her apartment. she unlocks her door and puts her keys in a wooden bowl in front of a mirror before hanging her coat. she looks at herself. her hair is long and auburn, her skin is freckled, her nose is petite and her body is slender from years of quidditch training. her almond-shaped brown eyes are squinted and her brow is furrowed. 

“get a grip,” she tells herself. “you need to be ready for tomorrow.”

so she relaxes her tense features and prepares herself for bed. lily is fast asleep before midnight. she dreams of the past. what was, and what should have been.

-

_september 6 2017_

_albus writes back in his first week at hogwarts. he’s made a friend, a kid with a weird name — scorpion or something like that. albus has been unsurprisingly placed in gryffindor, joining james. rose is placed in ravenclaw, which everyone expected, really, because she’s always got her nose shoved in a book — the only thing that lily finds in common with her._

_at the moment, lily and rose are corresponding through their owls, competing on who can read alice in wonderland quicker, though rose insists it’s not a contest and that comprehension is better than speed._

_both cousins know this is obviously untrue._

-

june 2 2035

lily wakes before the sun rises. she allows herself a moment in bed before taking a shower and eating a light breakfast of toast and coffee. lily fiddles with her straight red hair, trying charms she saw in _witch weekly_ to curl it before settling for a simple half-up half down. rose is likely to fix it anyway. 

lily doesn’t even attempt to do her makeup — that’s never been her strong suit. she’s always been the kind to run and scrape her knee, get grass stains on her clothes rather than sit still and looking pretty. before long, it’s 7am and a floo call comes through her fireplace. lily waves her wand to accept, packing a small bag with a potion inside and grabbing her dress.

“are you on your way? lily, you better not still be asleep. i need help!”

lily grumbles and leaves her apartment, apparating with a pop!

-

_december 20 2017_

_soon christmas break is upon the granger-weasley-potter clan, and albus has brought home a friend. lily pretends she didn’t hear her parents discuss the boy, scorpius malfoy, in hushed whispers when albus asked to bring him home. lily hears about the coldness at malfoy manor — but not in terms of temperature. her parents decide to let the friend stay at the burrow for break — the entire family manages to fit, so what’s one more? in the morning, lily and her parents go on to king's cross to pick up the students. she prepares for a break full of mischief and annoying older brothers._

_then, rose is the first one off, with a big grin from ear to ear, rushing to hug her family. lily doesn’t miss the playful “i’m watching you” motion rose gives her. next, james stalks off, laughing loudly with friends and tousling lily’s straight red hair. she brushes him off with a smile. then albus walks off and is immediately embraced by both parents. he’s followed by his friend._

_the first thing lily notices about the boy is his shock of platinum blond hair. the second is that his eyes are grey._

_grey, piercing, fierce._

_familiar._

-

_lily and rose have long left alice and wonderland in the dust. now, they’ve taken on anne of green gables, which they really only chose because of the girl with the red hair. it’s an identity. a minority. something that must be represented._

_and so they curl up on the leather couch of the burrow, hot chocolates in hand, occasionally stopping and gossiping. james has a new girlfriend, professor longbottom has had another child, the giant squid went missing for a bit._

_while they chat, lily notices how scorpius follows albus around silently, like a graceful silvery cat. when albus plops himself down between rose and lily, nearly spilling their hot chocolate, scorpius hesitates before going to lean against the wall._

_lily doesn’t miss the way rose sits up straighter and smiles more with him around. laughs at his little quips and encourages him with little head nods. her cousin is obviously smitten, but it’s unclear if scorpius knows._

_knowing this, lily lets herself carefully examine him. his silvery blond hair. his pale skin. his hands, with fingers long enough to reach beyond an octave on the piano. his hunched over shoulders. his dusty rose lips whose corners quirk whenever he finds something funny. his piercing grey gaze, looking straight at her._

-

june 2 2035

pop! lily appears in the burrow. she sighs and runs a hand through her hair. wipes the look off her face “now tell me- _where_ is the woman of the hour?”

a shorter girl with flaming red hair squeals and runs to hug lily, nearly knocking her over before she can brace herself. rose’s light blue eyes are bright and energetic. “let’s get started.”

rose takes her hand and brings her to a bedroom, where all the women in the family prepare. while the two style their hair and put on makeup and slip into their dresses, they discuss their current book — little women. sure, they’ve read it before, but it’s always nice to go back in with a different perspective. lily carefully brushes some blush onto her cheeks while rose fixes her hair. 

“remember when we read it the first time around and hated amy? despised her?” lily watches her cousin’s reflection in the mirror.

“of course,” rose replies, grinning. “we were devastated when laurie chose her. then we watched that muggle film and were devastated all over again.”

lily bites her lip. “rereading it now, i don’t blame amy. in fact, i sympathize with her.”

rose curls lily’s hair around her wand quietly, deliberately, carefully. “oh?”

“yeah. amy did what she had to to be happy. her luckiness in avoiding the hard bits of life wasn’t her choice. besides, she always loved him. laurie.” lily pauses. “are you quite done yet? we’ve got things to do, lady!”

rose smiles softly while lily stands and places two hands on her hips, spinning around to see her cousin’s masterful work. she strides on and is about to leave the room when rose speaks up. “do you… do you think jo ever really forgave her? for being so happy, for marrying laurie?”

lily is already facing away. she takes a moment and chooses her next words carefully.

-

_may 22 2019_

_rose professes to lily that summer is beautiful, that she loves summer. summer is the season of youth, she tells her. of timelessness and long afternoons and catching fireflies at dusk. lily replies that that’s the dumbest thing she’s ever heard. so, lily is forced to defend herself from rose’s tickles as long as she can before she shrieks and begs for mercy._

_the two lie in the grass, idly watching albus and scorpius unsuccessfully catch fireflies. rose says he’s rather cute, don’t you think, and lily crinkles her nose, replying with who, my brother? rose shoves her with a giggle and says, no, silly. scorpius. lily is quiet for half a moment before saying he’s alright looking, she supposes._

_rose pinches her in the shoulder. she props herself up on her elbow, saying little lily, you’re eleven years old now. she says when you start hogwarts this fall, there will be so many boys chasing after you. but you’ll only care about one._

_lily doesn’t miss the way rose gazes at scorpius as she says this. so she makes a disgusted face and says, i doubt it._

_rose smirks and replies that she was wrong — lily will probably only have one or two suitors throughout her whole life. lily sticks her tongue out at her, but doesn’t take the issue further — that would only encourage her hopeless romantic of an older cousin._

_then rose sighs, dramatically lying back into the grass and flinging her arms out over her head. she says, i’ve always wanted a summer wedding. because summer is beautiful._

-

june 2 2035

“of course jo forgave amy. they were sisters. and it’s just a book!” lily puts up her poker face, spins around, grabs rose’s hand, and drags her out of the room. 

she continues, “we’ve got lives now. lives to live, we can’t spend all our days doting on characters books while sipping on hot cocoa and gossip.”

lily tucks a stray bit of curly hair behind rose’s ear and smooths out her lacy dress. grandma weasley rushes by, yelling out “you girls better hurry!”

lily doesn’t miss the dreamy look on her cousin’s face when she thinks aloud. “i can’t believe it’s really happening. all my dreams are really coming true.”

lily squeezes the girl’s hand. “well, you look beautiful,” she says, giving rose a tight smile. “are you ready for this?”

-

_september 1 2019_

_lily sinks into a giant armchair in her new common room while writing a letter addressed to her parents. she taps her chin with a quill while thinking back to her first day at hogwarts._

_the train ride was nice. rose, albus and scorpius let her play gobstones with them in their compartment while james fooled around with his friends, claiming he was too cool now to hang out with a bunch of babies. meanwhile, rose, albus, and scorpius tried to win lily over to ravenclaw, gryffindor, and hufflepuff, respectively. lily waved their attempts away, saying the sorting hat would get to choose. rose, ever the scholar, asked which subject lily most looked forwards to and lily said she was excited for potions._

_now, she sits surrounded amongst dozens of plants of various sizes. a grin spreads across the redhead’s face as she writes that she was sorted into hufflepuff. the sorting hat remarked above all on her fierce loyalty, quietly hardworking demeanor (unlike james’ gryffindor flashiness), and strong adherence to her morals. it said that she seems to be more headstrong and stubborn than her fellow hufflepuffs, but perhaps that’s just the weasley gene. she chuckles as she finishes the letter with the sorting hat’s last words before she was sent off to her house: the weasleys’ housing is getting more diverse every year, now._

_lily could not be happier than to don colors of yellow and black._

_she rises from the enormous armchair, careful not to knock over a succulent, when scorpius malfoy brushes past her. he smirks while saying hufflepuff after all, yeah? and she crosses her arms while he raises his hands in victory, whoops and cheers while going off to the boys’ dormitory._

_scorpius’ grey gaze is warm when turns back to her. he says welcome to the house, and lily’s cheeks turn rosy._

-

june 2 2035

rose takes lily’s hands in hers. “you’re the best cousin i could ever ask for. i love you, you know that right?”

lily feels her eyebrows knit but doesn’t say anything, just nods. slips on that easy smile. makes sure she’s got that bag with the potion in one hand.

rose lets go of her hands and checks her reflection one last time. “all right. i’d say we’re just about ready to go.”


	2. easily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author’s note: i hope all of you are safe and secure in your homes during this crisis. i want to confirm that coronavirus is not present in this universe, or it was present but a wizard at st mungo’s figured out a vaccine and secretly gave it to a muggle doctor. 
> 
> also, i was going to publish this chapter all as one but the word count got away from me again. so, the work is now 4 chapters but i can assure you that it will be at the same, if not better, quality.
> 
> the recommended song for this chapter is easily by bruno major.

june 2 2035

lily and rose apparate into a hall lit with bright light that streams in through tall, ornate windows.

rose squeezes lily’s hands and walks off. lily is nearly knocked over by someone holding a large vase with white roses and baby’s breath. “oy, watch it! and make sure there isn’t too much baby’s breath in there!” lily takes a deep breath. “everything needs to be perfect.”

lily walks around and makes sure all of the roses are in full bloom, brandishing her wand over each bustle of flowers. grandma weasley sees her and tuts, hurrying on over. “lily, dear, you don’t need to worry about this all anymore! i can’t believe that you’re not in the dressing room. go, go and get ready! that’s the most important thing right now.”

lily nods and heads to join all the other women in the dressing room. but, before she goes, she makes a quick stop.

-

_ november 15 2022 _

_ lily sits with her back against a tree overlooking the black lake with a potions textbook in hand. scorpius is lying down with his head resting on her lap. she remarks at his stupidity, at least in terms of potions, and he scoffs, says she can’t even keep rhythm so she couldn’t hope to ever play piano like him. she pinches him on the arm for being a pompous jerk, supposedly, and he gives her that signature smirk and says she just wants an excuse to touch him. _

_ lily rolls her eyes but her lips are quirked in a smile. so, she says, what is the main ingredient in amortentia? and scorpius says love, of course. so then lily calls him a useless idiot. scorpius is back at it again with that dumb smirk. he says she must like useless idiots, or she wouldn’t spend so much time around him. _

_ lily ignores the flush rising in her cheeks and adds, also albus. asks, where is albus? scorpius fingers a lock of her red hair. doesn’t matter, scorpius says, he doesn’t like teaching me potions. guess that makes him a purposely useless idiot. _

_ lily nods and tries to focus scorpius’ 5th year potions textbook. but scorpius stays in his position, lying in her lap and playing with her long red hair. he says, you have hair like fire. _

_ so lily looks at him now, expecting him to crack a joke. _

_ instead, he calls her hair beautiful. _

-

june 2 2035

lily stops at the boys’ dressing room door. she calls out, “scorp. scorpius, come here, i have something for you.”

albus cracks the door woman and looks around and behind lily before letting her in. “dear god, woman. what are you here for?”

lily laughs and pushes her brother away. “let me guess, scorpius is in the bathroom now, puking his guts out from last night. i’m here with a little something to help him out.”

she shows albus her potion and shakes it around a little, the slimy green liquid sloshing around inside. albus wrinkles his nose and lets her through. lily makes her way through men in navy blue suits to the bathroom door. “scorpius? are you in there?”

she hears an affirmative grunt. she leans against the door, closing it a little. “i have a hangover potion here for you.”

“thank merlin! you’re a lifesaver.” scorpius tries to open the door from the other side, but lily keeps her left hand on it, keeping the door ajar, while reaching her right around. he pauses a moment before she feels his hand on the potion.

“i can’t look at you, remember?”

-

_ november 16 2020 _

_ lily and scorpius are in the dank dungeons, attempting to create a potion that he’s bound to fail to create for the exam. she puts her long auburn locks up, ignoring scorpius’ lingering gaze on her hair. she asks him what the main ingredient of amortentia is. they studied this yesterday, after all. _

_ scorpius squints his eyes while thinking, before saying mother-of-pearl. lily nods, and asks what the main quality of amortentia is. he says adaptive scent, where the scent changes to appeal to whoever inhales the aroma. a grin breaks across lily’s face, and she goes to the cauldron with the brew she’s been working on for eight days. the two commence on their potion making. _

_ after several hours, the potion looks right but does not seem to have its signature aroma. scorpius comments on the extra perfume lily must have put on today, and lily swats him, saying she doesn’t use perfume. she says he’s the one who must have used more of that expensive french cologne. _

_ lily frowns and says she doesn’t understand why the potion hasn’t worked — she did everything right. she pushes scorpius, saying he must have somehow messed it up. scorpius runs a hand through his hair and says that he’s so failing exams. he falls to the lily’s feet and begs her to brew polyjuice potion and go take the exams for him. _

_ she helps him up, laughing all the while. then she catches sight of the clock on the wall and gasps, because they’re late. _

-

june 2 2035

lily makes her way out of the men’s room, dodging one persistent lorcan scamander, and walks through the hall while guests pour in, exclaiming at the hanging vines with roses at the end and at the fireflies buzzing through. the enchanter they hired adds more beautiful, albeit false, details to the hall. lily ducks into the ladies’ dressing room.

she makes sure all the women look good, that all of them have their little bouquets and know which cues to start walking. finally, she makes her way to her cousin. “rose, i don’t think that curl is going to get any curlier.”

rose laughs and maneuvers lily into a hug. “hey, speaking of which, your curls could do with a little touch up.”

rose tugs at a ringlet of lily’s hair while lily escapes her cousin’s arms. she brushes off her own dress and checks that rose’s looks good. rose says, “you seem to be giving me the special treatment, lils. are you sure that’s fair?”

lily playfully replies, “you’re special, rose.”

-

_ november 16 2022 _

_ lily hurries to pull her hair up into a ponytail as she and scorpius run through the halls to the quidditch pitch. he wishes her luck as he goes onto the stands to get good seats. lily runs into the locker room and pulls on her gear. rose suddenly appears. lily is in a frenzy to pull on her shirt and grab her broom, and asks rose if she’s allowed to be here. _

_ rose brushes a bit of ash off lily’s cheek and fixes her shirt while lily lines up behind her teammates, barely making it in line on time. rose says they should really improve security because it was incredibly easy to sneak in. lily adjusts her ponytail and squints at her cousin, asking what she’s doing here. rose takes a breath and asks, all at once, if lily is okay with rose asking scorpius out. _

_ before going onto the quidditch pitch, lily hovers for a moment. pulls on an easy smile. says, why wouldn’t i be?  _

_ lily looks into rose’s wide blue eyes and says go for it. so then she runs out onto the pitch, letting her broom take her out into the wind. _

_ rose doesn’t matter right now, scorpius doesn’t matter right now. what matters is lily bracing herself against the wind and giving her all to beat a few slytherins at the game she knows well. _

_ - _

_ after a hufflepuff victory, lily comes out the great hall. at the hufflepuf table, rose has, in essence, cornered lily’s best friend. rose talks animatedly to scorpius, who quietly nods and mostly just lets rose talk. scorpius is facing away from lily, while rose is clearly in sight. albus bumps lily’s shoulder with his own. rose catches lily’s eye and lily gives her a thumbs up. _

_ rose flushes as she seems to finally ask scorpius on a date — probably to honeydukes’. lily looks down while crossing her arms and kicks a random pebble with her left foot. albus studies her. asks her what’s wrong. _

_ lily sighs and juts her chin in rose’s direction, where scorpius hasn’t exactly said no, but hasn’t said yes either. lily tells her brother that everything comes so easily to rose. albus is dragged off by his boyfriend, but before he goes, he tells lily that denial isn’t just a river in egypt. _

_ lily scoffs and watches rose bound to her happily, arms raised above her head in victory, while scorpius finally sees her with a look of something like guilt. under her breath, lily says she doesn’t know what albus is talking about. _

_ - _

june 2 2035

lily peeks through the door and the last guests have seated themselves. she turns around and scans the room for a final check. each woman’s dress is light blue and long, but slightly different. lily checks that everyone knows their cue, and peeks through the door again. through the giant arch connecting the hall to the main room, lily can see that the men have gone up onto the podium at the front of the church. scorpius’ father is fixing his bowtie and smoothing down scorpius’ cowlick. 

“touching, isn’t it?” rose is by her side, squeezing her hand. lily nods her head in agreement. scorpius has never had the best relationship with his father. but maybe that will change after today.

lily swallows the stone in her throat. “alright, so we’re all ready, right?” the bridesmaids bob their heads up and down in agreement. lily takes a deep breath. “alright, then. let’s get this show on the road.”

-

_ july 13 2022 _

_ rose’s ringtone comes through the fireplace. lily waves her wand from her spot on the sofa, reading  _ little women _ , to accept the floo call. rose is sobbing, telling lily in between gasps of air that scorpius broke up with her. _

_ lily takes a second to think before replying. her head is spinning — rose and scorpius have been together for two long years, and she has no idea why scorpius would break it off the summer before his and rose’s seventh and final year. she springs into action, telling rose to breathe and it’ll be okay and that she’s sure scorpius will come around. that rose can focus on her own development at this time. _

_ scorpius, james and albus come through the front door after a walk. lily’s brow is furrowed when she looks at the blond boy, and she tells rose that she’ll call her back later. albus senses lily’s simmering anger and excuses himself. james whistles and strolls into the kitchen, likely looking for a snack to inhale in a few seconds. _

_ lily turns her attention to the tall blond boy in front of her. she jabs a finger at scorpius’ chest. asks him why he would do that to her best cousin. what he thought he’d accomplish. _

_ scorpius takes it, takes her jabs and her pokes and the hexes her mother taught her when she was of age. finally, once lily has tired herself out, they both sit on the sofa and watch the fireplace crackle. _

_ after a long moment of silence, scorpius explains to his best friend that things with rose come so easily. so naturally. how she’s so pleasant and perfect and caring and he loves her, and she adores him, but there’s not much of a spark. _

_ lily is quiet until he’s done. she tells him that with rose, things generally come easily. not for lack of trying, because rose is one of the brightest and hardworking witches she’s ever known — but because the universe seems to orbit around her. in her favor. _

_ scorpius catches her eye, and says that’s not how it is for either of them. lily agrees. but she tells him he should really think about getting back together with rose. _

_ scorpius huffs and leaves the room. albus is back, and he mumbles something about the pair of them being blind. lily ignores her brother and goes back to reading _ little women _. _

-

june 2 2035

the guests have settled down. the enchanter makes all the decorations go still, and the officiant welcomes everyone. he says,“dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join two beautiful souls. thank you all for coming on this very special day…”

lily gestures the bridesmaid out into the hall and looks into the main room. her breath catches when she catches scorpius’ grey eyes. he looks dashing, with a midnight suit and a bowtie dotted with stars. his hands are clasped in each other. he towers above the groomsmen, with his blond head nearly touching the wedding arch with white roses. he gives lily a secret smile.

-

_ july 16 2022 _

_ the potters and scorpius stand outside malfoy manor, looking at the towering mansion with its columns and immaculately trimmed hedges. lily’s father’s face is one of conflict. he hides his true feelings once he adjusts his circular glasses and smiles at lily, her brothers, and scorpius. he says are you ready, and scorpius goes and rattles the bronze knocker against the double doors. _

_ a servant ushers them in. scorpius’ ancient grandfather leaves the sitting parlor without a word. lily’s mother elbows her husband in the side and jokes that he must be otherwise occupied. _

_ scorpius is quiet, too quiet. his grey eyes are clouded. so, lily slips her hand into his for a moment and gives him a reassuring squeeze. he doesn’t meet her gaze but doesn’t take his hand away until she does. james loudly exclaims at the polar bear carpet and other trinkets. lily’s mum tells him not to touch anything, and her dad makes strained small talk with scorpius’ father, draco malfoy. he urges everyone to call him that. draco. never mr malfoy. _

_ he tells them that he’s tried to downsize, but that scorpius’ father insists on preserving the manion’s old glory. albus quietly quips that they’re keeping its twisted glory, too. scorpius pretends not to hear. _

_ they’ve been invited because scorpius has spent most of every holiday at the potter house, so much so that lily’s mother has gotten used to serving lily and four boys instead of just three. so much so that she sometimes slips up and calls scorpius son. so much so that he accidentally calls her mum, and no one says anything because he hasn’t got one anymore. so much so that scorpius gets a sweater from grandma weasley, too, and that teddy and victoire’s toddlers call him “uncle scorpie.” _

_ the dinner is quiet, polite, proper. cold. both temperature wise and temperment wise. draco tries his best to be accomodating, but he is so consumed in trying to do good upon the boy who saved the world that he cannot focus on the present. _

_ scorpius is silent the whole time, only speaking or acting when necessary. lily sits next to him and keeps her hand right next to his under the table if his knuckles turn white or his face too ashen. _

_ when they return, scorpius loosens up but remains quiet. everyone heads on in to prepare for a family board game, but scorpius sits down on the porch steps. lily stays out, too. she puts her head on his shoulder. _

_ while they watch the sun disappear into the ground and the skies fade from blue to red to orange to black, scorpius tells lily how he’s been told to be obedient for his whole life. to be quiet, and to never speak until spoken to, lest he gives someone a reason to hate him. he says that his only outlet was to play piano, but even now that he only knows classical songs because they wouldn’t allow for any blues. jazz. pop. emotion. _

_ his grandparents only believe in the old ways. his father is engrossed in the past, in undoing his sins in the war, even if they were forced upon him. in erasing the pain tattooed onto his arm in the form of a dark mark. his mother has been dead since scorpius was a few weeks old. long enough to hold him, but the only way that scorpius knows her is in the form of animated photos. but even those fade. _

_ she wipes the tears from his cheeks when he says that he always suppressed what he felt and said, until he met albus. until he was taken into the potter family. until he met her. _

_ all the while, lily silently takes it in and rubs his back and stifles her yawns. when all is dark except the porch light and all is quiet and only the crickets sing, his eyes look at hers and look at her lips and back at her eyes. _

_ in the black night, she captures his lips with hers and their silhouettes kiss. _

-

june 2 2035

the officiator is done speaking. the enchanter allows the magic to continue in slow motion, in rhythm with the music that now starts. a wedding ballad plays as the bridesmaids fix each other’s hair and dresses and trade bouquets one last time.

the organs play a beautiful tune as the guests hush, and it’s like time has slowed down. slowed down to the steady beat of lily’s heart.


	3. stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i’m so sorry that this chapter is late. i have been incredibly busy!
> 
> i wrote most of this past midnight, so it is not proofed / beta read / i do not know what to call it. i‘ll fix it later.
> 
> this chapter is a bit longer, so i have a two song suggestions - pass you by, by alaina castillo, and CAN’T GET OVER YOU by joji. 
> 
> p.s. does anyone actually read these?

_ july 16 2022 _

_ lily is reading  _ emma _ on her spot on the sofa next to the fire. scorpius sits on the opposite end of the couch, with a pillow placed carefully between them. lily avoids his lingering looks and his electricity-charged touches whenever their hands accidentally brush by each other. albus seems suspicious, but is often too busy sending letters to his boyfriend and writing poems to look into it. james is oblivious as usual, sometimes coming to sit between them and loudly munch on his snacks before going to scrimmage in quidditch with a few friends. _

_ scorpius spends the summer practicing piano on the dusty old upright piano that lily’s dad brought home from work one day, saying it was seized in a raid but was safe and was going to be destroyed. her mum dotes on scorpius, saying he must be used to a much nicer piano at malfoy manor. scorpius assures her that this piano is much better than the baby grand he used to play on. she looks skeptical, but walks away with a pleased smile, anyway. _

_ lily reads voraciously, as usual, flying through classics with rose and trading letters with her where both girls show off their analytical skills. she experiments with potions in her room and uses a few to prank her brothers. lily goes with james to quidditch scrimmage a few times, but tires of the boys’ wolf whistles when her brother isn’t around to beat them up, as well as their subpar skills. she spends most of her time on her broom figuring out new tricks and drilling. being a chaser in quidditch requires excellent strategy. _

_ strategy. the strategy that lily and scorpius employ all summer is that they try to ignore each other all day, because acting as they did before is no longer an option. each moment they lock eyes fills the room with tension, and if lily sits on the piano bench next to scorpius while he plays, he can no longer focus and lily’s parents remark that he must be having an off day. _

_ so, they limit their contact to the bare minimum during the day, but at twilight, scorpius waits for her on the porch and she sneaks out her window, levitating on her broom to ease the journey back up. _

_ some nights, they only talk for hours and hours until scorpius can barely keep his eyes open and lily yawns every thirty seconds. some nights, they lie on the deck and stare up at the stars in silence. some nights, they hold hands while they read or she tutors him with potions for next year. some nights, they tease each other and laugh loud enough that one has to clap a hand over the mouth of the other so the entire street wouldn’t hear. some nights, they kiss each other until scorpius’ platinum blond hair is mussed and his lips are puffy and red and his eyes are molten silver, and lily looks downright feverish with bright red cheeks and pupils blown wide and teeth biting her lower lip. but these nights only last so long until they both retreat back to bed and sleep until midday — lily’s mum says it must be because they’re growing, while she shares knowing looks with her husband. and these nights only last so long until school starts back up again. _

_ some nights, all lily and scorpius do is fight until lily is screaming and scorpius looks like he’s about to break down. once they cool off, scorpius is almost always the first to apologize, to pull lily into his lanky frame and hold her until her breaths slow down and they are okay again. lily doesn’t want anyone to know because knowing rose, she is still caught up in scorpius and will not be over him for a long, long time. lily is better at hiding her affection for him — she looks at him with a cool gaze while he can’t stop giving her puppy eyes like a fool hopelessly in love. which, he is, for the record. _

_ but lily doesn’t like the word love. to her, it always ends in bitter, quiet tears and the unbearable feeling of nothingness. yet scorpius, who has only experienced untainted love through the potters, loves so openly and wholly and recklessly. and that scares her, a little. _

_ so by the time the teens get back to school, lily tenses up whenever scorpius mentions the word love and he gets more aggravated whenever they have to sneak around again. and their schedules fill up again. they can no longer meet for hours at a time because lily is captain of the hufflepuff quidditch team this year, and this is not a job she takes lightly. and scorpius practices piano constantly, at least four hours a day because all he’s ever wanted is to give people his music up on a stage with bright lights illuminating his silhouette.  _

_ short sessions in broom closets can only salvage so much. lily and scorpius drift apart, and rose is there while he practices piano. even with all her duties as head girl, rose is there for him, and she is devoted no matter how much she denies it.  _

_ one day, quidditch practice ends early and lily comes to surprise scorpius. rose is already there, and lily beckons her cousin out. she asks, carefully keeping her tone neutral, even as her eyes narrow and her arms cross. _

_ lily asks if rose is still in love with scorpius. rose’s gaze is on the boy, captivated by his melody. she says no, but lily knows her cousin. she knows the truth. _

-

june 2 2035

white roses fly out of baskets as victoire’s and teddy’s daughters walk down the aisle. the guests find the flower girls adorable, gasping and smiling and waving. their son waits patiently in the front, holding a large pillow with rings balanced carefully on top.

the girls reach the end of the aisle as their section of the music ends. their path is covered in white rose petals, as more float down from the ceiling and land softly on the wooden floors. the church is flooded with bright light that streams in through stained glass windows and from quietly buzzing fireflies.

lily adjusts her gown as she feels scorpius’ gaze on her. she looks back up at him, but he looks away like a schoolboy embarrassed to be caught looking at his crush. lily feels a gentle smile tug at her lips. in this moment, the bright, white setting reminds lily of a time long, long ago, when she wore a dress the same length and danced with all her friends. lily remembers the yule ball.

-

_ december 3 2022 _

_ lily and scorpius sit in a frigid broom closet. the cold stones under lily make her shiver, so scorpius offers her his jacket. she declines. scorpius’ potions books lie on the floor, abandoned after  _

_ they are now staring out the window at the flurrying snow. lily checks her watch and tells scorpius she has to go soon. he says he should get back to practice, too. _

_ they came into the closet to spend time together, but as lily examines scorpius’ blank face that pays more attention to the kids outside than her, she wonders if they will ever be the same as they were over the summer. _

_ she gathers up her books and her bag. before she leaves, scorpius grabs her hand and stands up. he looks into her brown eyes and asks quietly if she’ll go to the yule ball with him _

_ lily kisses his lips but does not respond. she turns to leave but his hand is still on hers. his brows are knitted, and he asks why she keeps saying no. lily bites her lip and looks down at the stone floor. she looks back at his eyes that are full of pain. _

_ she explains, again, that rose is still in love with him. he sighs in exasperation and lets go of her hand, running a hand through his hair. he says that doesn’t matter because he loves lily now. lily looks away, and he says it’s okay if she doesn’t say it yet. _

_ she looks at him and asks if it's enough. his gaze is downcast. he says, please don't do this again. but lily has already started her spiel. she tells him that they don’t see each other often enough, because she is hufflepuff’s quidditch captain and he is on his way to being a world-famous pianist with his daily minimum of four hours of practice. she tells him that they fight too much, that he’s said it himself that being with rose just comes more easily. _

_ his face is scrunched up as he concentrates on her. he says that he doesn’t want easy, he wants her. lily doesn’t meet his steady gaze. she looks away and says that she give him what he needs. because she is the only one he talks to about this, she is the only one close enough to him, and she doesn’t feel that it’s right. because she is not so stable, not so strong and she can’t do anything but sit there silently when he talks about the mother he never had and his utter lack of a loving family. because she feels helpless and that her helplessness will only harm him.  _

_ scorpius takes lily’s face in his hands and has her look right into his grey eyes. he is sure, calm, confident. he says that none of that matters. because they care for each other. because the yule ball will be so, so so great if he can take her to it. because he loves her. _

_ lily’s features are twisted. before she can speak, he says that she doesn’t have to say it back. this silence is suffocating. painful. lily breaks it. she says, i won’t because i can’t, scorpius. and she says, i think we should take a break. _

_ his eyes are flooded with immediate nothingness. he draws away from her silently and turns away. lily reaches to touch his shoulder but he recoils. scorpius is careful not to look at her now, and he turns and leaves and leaves lily sprawled across the floor, shoulders racking up and down with quiet sobs. _

-

june 2 2035

lily watches as the bridesmaids start to walk down the aisle. they glide in time with the music, which lily chose. each bride’s dress is a light blue like snow in the pale moonlight. their dresses are all slightly different and unique but are all long and flowing down to the floor.

when they all stand together, the dresses look like a waterfall that gently cascades down, with a bunch of white roses gathered at the top, in each bridesmaid’s hands. the bridesmaids have their hair up, all in the same braided bun with three mini white roses.

as the bridesmaids walk, the enchanter resumes his magic, complementing the beauty of the venue. lily watches little girls watch the bridesmaids in awe and reach for the false fireflies in the air. their eyes shine like stars, and this brings a small smile to lily’s face.

-

_ december 25 2022 _

_ lily and rose pose with each other outside the great hall as albus takes photos with an enchanted animated camera. the two girls pretend to put corsages onto each other’s wrists. lily’s corsage consists of a golden yellow carnation that matches her dress. rose has a similar corsage, only in navy blue to match her dress.  _

_ lily looks like fire. her red hair is styled in loose waves that rose only barely got her to sit down for. rose did her warm gold makeup as well. her brown eyes hold a mischievous glint, and glitter coals in a blazing fire. _

_ rose looks like the sea. her naturally curly hair is pinned up. her eyes are a brilliant blue, highlighted by the color of her dress. her freckles are scattered like constellations across her features and her shoulders.  _

_ albus shows the girls the pictures, then abandons his camera to rush off to his beckoning boyfriend. rose clicks through the pictures, occasionally poking lily to come look. _

_ lily aimlessly fingers the glittering fabric of her dress, and something catches her eye. she looks up as a boy with white-blond hair approaches. scorpius is dashing in a silver tuxedo, with platinum blond hair slicked back and a perfectly tailored suit that clings to his body like a second skin. he holds her gaze with a smoldering look under long, delicate lashes. lily bites her lip and nudges rose. rose exclaims and snaps a picture of scorpius, fussing over how he looks so handsome and cute and princely. scorpius laughs and playfully tells her she’s a princess if he’s a prince. _

_ lily doesn’t miss the way that rose has that look, again, that look that makes her cousin’s blue eyes wide as saucers and clouds her vision with fanciful daydreams and rose-colored glasses that will make rose fall for scorpius again. _

_ she inaudibly huffs and walks into the great hall, even as she hears rose ask if something’s wrong and feels scorpius watching her. _

_ the yule ball is fine. the weird sisters have briefly reunited to play for the first yule ball since the infamous triwizard tournaments that lily’s father was a part of. lily and rose dance and drink too much punch and scream along with the crowd. lily catches scorpius’ eye every once in a while on accident, but they largely act like the other does not exist. _

_ at the end of the night, rose and lily carry their heels in their hands and walk with bare, sore feet on the cold stone floor. instead of going to the afterparty in the gryffindor common room, the girls decide they’re much too tired for any more. they get to the hufflepuff common room, and rose announces that she has to pee before going off to the ravenclaw tower. she disappears into the bathroom as lily flops down onto her favorite armchair by the fire. she looks through the photos in the camera, fishing it out of rose’s expandable handbag. she tires of this quickly and rises, tossing the camera onto the armchair and walking towards the window, staring out into the sky. _

_ lily sits in the large windowsill. she watches a shooting star burn out and disappear. scorpius silently appears next to her. he sits across from her, and they silently watch the night. _

_ scorpius is first to break the silence, as usual. he tells her he’s sorry. lily keeps watching the stars, though they will not change anytime soon, while the wizard before her is ever-changing, even as the two of them sit and stargaze. _

_ finally lily meets scorpius’ eyes and the two just sit there staring at each other in the dim moonlight. _

_ before she knows it, lily is pushing scorpius away and stares at him in disbelief. she exclaims that she can’t believe he’s trying to kiss her. scorpius grips his hair in his hands and looks so utterly confused. he says he doesn’t know what she wants. that she tells him that she can’t then she looks at him like that then she says she can’t believe him. that he doesn’t know what to think. _

_ and soon lily and scorpius are fighting again, as usual, and scorpius is apologizing and lily won’t take it and he’s begging her to tell him what he’s done wrong. she tells him he’s perfect, but not for her, and that he needs stability in his life but the only constant in their relationship is that they fight every other moment. he says that another constant is that he loves her. _

_ lily presses her lips firmly together and crosses her arms. she turns her head as someone clears her throat softly. rose stands in the corner with a quizzical look on her face. she murmurs good night and grabs her bag. _

_ lily tells scorpius to stay there and stumbles out after her cousin. rose has carefully disguised hurt written across her face. she clutches her little bag and purses her lips. rose asks lily if her suspicions are correct, and lily says that they are, but that it’s all over now. _

_ rose asks her if she’s okay, and lily says she will be. _

-

june 2 2035

finally, lily walks down the aisle. time has surely slowed down, because she can feel everyone’s gaze turn to her as she breathes to steady her heart that beats out of her chest. she walks in a rehearsed rhythm with the music. scorpius has a faint smile on his face.

and the bride arrives. she is dazzling, resplendent, otherworldly. her red hair is like fire, in perfect ringlets under a white lacy veil. her dress is stunning, a snow-white gown whose train trails along the wooden floor. the skirt brushes the ground, with lace flowers seemingly crawling up from the hem like ivy. the silhouette shows of an off-the-shoulder sweetheart neckline, with impossibly detailed lace straps that lie just below her shoulders. 

her skin is gleaming, glowing and dewy in the streaming sunlight. tiny sparkles illuminate her skin and make her seem godly. freckles adorn her cheeks that are artfully powdered with blush. freckles like stars mark the skin on her shoulders. 

her lips are carefully painted a lovely red. her cheekbones are perfectly highlighted, and her eye makeup is immaculate, though her features are obscured by her veil.

she looks at the floor and holds her bouquet of white roses. scorpius watches her with fondness, his grey eyes sparkling.

she meets his gaze, and the two trade a smile.

-

_ june 30 2023 _

_ lily and scorpius are at their tree by the black lake. he thanks her for her help in potions and informs her of his flying colors in his OWLs. lily leans against the tree and graciously says he’s welcome. _

_ the bouts of silence is more comfortable than before. less strained. scorpius takes a seat on the grass and lily follows. they watch bubbles rise from where the giant squid might be. _

_ lily says that she can’t believe that he’s gotten into juilliard. that he’ll be around muggles all the time now. scorpius squints in the sun and replies that his muggle studies class will help. he makes lily promise to get a phone to call him every once in a while. _

_ they promise to stay in touch, as friends. just friends, as lily has made abundantly clear. _

_ so scorpius goes on to study music in america amongst muggles and lily finishes school up at hogwarts. _

_ it feels empty without scorpius, rose, and albus. lily breezes through her classes and wins the quidditch tournament for the hufflepuff team as its captain. she settles into a routine, numb, though she strays from it sometimes for trips to hogsmeade or on dates that are just okay. she feels lorcan scamander starting to care for her more than his rebel exterior should allow, so she breaks it off with him. most days, she doesn’t try to feel happy, anymore. _

_ lily passes her exams with flying colors and gets a job at st. mungos as a potions maker and gets to experiment in their state-of-the-art lab. she calls her mum from london every week and visits once a month. rose visits her constantly, though she’s busy getting a teaching degree. lily and scorpius write letters for a good year before they both get busy and drift apart and turn into different people. _

_ when they see each other again, at a muggle cafe in london that’s just outside lily’s apartment, she nearly doesn’t recognize him. scorpius has filled out his gangly teen form, and has a five-o-clock shadow of stubble. his hair is less shocklingly white, but still identifiable.  _

_ it’s the eyes that get her, though. grey. piercing. fierce. _

_ familiar. _

_ looking straight at her. _

-

june 2 2035

scorpius gazes at his beautiful bride with admiration. she dutifully watches the officiator as he opens his book of worship.

scorpius seems right at home in his midnight tuxedo and bowtie dotted with stars. his eyes are starry, too, though he closes them as the music halts and the enchanter sits for the ceremony.

finally, the bride and groom smile at each other. her veil is lifted, and she takes scorpius’ hand. his eyes are grey and almost stoic. solemn, at the very least. 

and her blue eyes are already glistening with tears of happiness.

-

_ november 17 2033 _

_ scorpius is officially off his world tour, so he spends his days in london composing new music and spending time with lily. it’s almost like the old days again, if they had bar hopped and partied this amount in the old days. _

_ lily and scorpius stumble through her apartment door. he’s drunk out of his mind again, and she calls him a lightweight and pushes him onto her sofa. she gets him a blanket from her bed and babies him in jest, asking if he wants a blankie and if he needs to be tucked in with a teddy bear and a bedtime story. _

_ scorpius plays along at first, but grabs her wrist when she rises from her spot, kneeling next to the couch. he closes his eyes sleepily and mumbles that rose asked him out earlier that day and asks if that’s okay. _

_ lily swallows the stone lodged in her throat and says of course it’s okay, why wouldn’t it be okay, and tries to pry his fingers off her wrist. scorpius half opens his eyes and tells lily that he’s always loved her and always will. she tries to play it off and tells him she loves him too, but he says no, no no no, he loooooves her so incredibly much and she tells him he’s drunk and that his grip is starting to hurt her wrist. he lets go immediately, but bolts up and wraps her into a hug. _

_ he asks her if he’s good enough for her yet, and lily is glad that he can’t see her now because a tear escapes her eye as she says she doesn’t know what he’s talking about because he’s always been good enough, if not too good. he asks her in a plaintive voice why it is that she left him, then. she tells him that he left her. _

_ lily feels scorpius shake his head. he murmurs in her ear, i’ll win you back, lily, he says, you’ll be mine again. _

_ then he dozes off, so she lies him onto the couch and pulls the blanket over him. lily smooths his hair down and presses her lips to his forehead. she watches the way his face changes when he’s asleep, how the furrow in his brow lightens and he seems young again. how she’s reminded of the way things used to be. _

_ she leaves him when the tears threaten to spill again. _

-

june 2 2035

scorpius grips his bride’s hand and squeezes it to calm her racing heart. she looks at him gratefully. the officiator clears his throat, and the church goes completely silent. the officiator points his wand to his throat and whispers sonorous.

lily feels her heart go still when he opens his mouth and starts.

“welcome, loved ones. we are gathered today to join scorpius and rose in holy matrimony...” 


	4. love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author’s note: i have genuinely enjoyed writing this story so much! however, it unfortunately must come to an end. i originally was only going to have 1 giant chapter then decided to divide it up once i realized only ¼ of my outline consisted of over 2k words. 
> 
> i am so sorry for the wait! regarding recent events, i have been busy educating myself on the subject of the Black Lives Matter movement and the history of police brutality. to each person reading this, please, please please inform yourself with information on systemic racism. please sign all the petitions that can help stop police brutality. please check your privilege and stay angry, stay disturbed, stay hungry for justice. 
> 
> this is an issue of human rights. it’s about elevating a people that has been oppressed for centuries. it should matter to each and every one of you.
> 
> so, i was unsure if posting regular content would be alright during this time, especially as everyone is posting like normal is okay right now. but i understand that life must go on. i just ask that we don’t forget about the power that each of us has to incite change.
> 
> linktree: https://linktr.ee/blacklivesmatter
> 
> info: https://blacklivesmatter.com/
> 
> there are many more resources that are easily accessible, so keep an eye out on social media and on change.org. these links are simply a jumping off point.
> 
> now, back to the story. i’ve found myself wanting to add more and more to this story. i love the characters, the world and the story line that has been developed. i could really see this becoming a longer, full work that would go in chronological order instead of jumping back and forth. 
> 
> however, it would include more character development, little scenes that i couldn’t include here, and possibly a different ending, and it would be split between two perspectives instead of jumping between past and present. i don’t want to spoil anything. 
> 
> if that is what you’d like, please comment that you want the longer version! 
> 
> finally, this chapter's song is next to me by emile sande. now, enjoy!

june 2 2035

the officiator says a blur of words that seem to bleed into one another. lily’s mind is racing, but she keeps a cool facade that threatens to crumble every time she looks at scorpius.

rose, on the other hand, is glowing. she is gorgeous and splendid and beaming and everything that scorpius deserves.

scorpius keeps his gaze on the officiant, though sometimes his eyes search for someone other than rose.

lily takes deep breaths as the officiant gestures to rose. the bride wipes away a tear before she begins. her loving gaze lies on scorpius. her eyes meet his as she smiles, lovesick.

“scorpius, i want you to know when i first wrote these vows, they were pages and pages long. they would’ve taken hours to recite — so i cut it down — but not only since you’d make fun of me for this for the rest of our days. i knew i had to limit it to what matters the most. so, scorpius, something that matters, is that i knew i’d love you from the moment i met you.

“you were talented, musical, and so sweet from the very start. i knew it from that first day in the train compartment. it was so much fun to be your friend, and later your girlfriend, at hogwarts… but i think it was when you first played piano for me that i fell in love. 

“you are so creative with your music. every time i listen to you, the notes seem altered in some way, and always better. when you shared the song you wrote for me, i was on the brink of tears.

“alright, fine. i was full-on sobbing. but can you blame me, sweet scorpius? i love you. i love your compassion, your loyalty, your hardworking nature for your passions. i love your commitment, your dreams, your quiet perfection. your soul. you are perfect for me in every way and i love you so, so much.”

-

_ december 1 2033 _

_ lily feels as if she may throw up. she is hunched over her toilet as scorpius holds back her hair. she waits a second before patting him to tell him it’s alright. _

_ the pair sit on the bare tile of her bathroom, laughing off cheap beer. they’re sitting side by side, bantering like old times.  _

_ lily pauses in her hysteria in a brief moment of clarity and tells him she’s glad he’s back. the corner of scorpius’ mouth quirks in a smile. he mutters thanks and leans his forehead on hers, grey eyes watching her lips. _

_ lily feels her heart flutter but turns away, staggering to lean on the doorframe as she rises. scorpius asks her what’s wrong. lily is quiet as she explains that she’d rather not rush into things. that she likes everything the way it is now. that she doesn’t want the whirlwind of emotions that are guaranteed if she and him happen again. _

_ scorpius lets loose a deep sigh. he runs a hand through mussed up hair, then leans his head back onto the wall. he says he understands. mentions rose commenting on the two of them, chuckling. then his gaze is on the floor as he tells lily that rose asked if he'd like to get coffee sometime. _

_ lily laughs, crossing her arms, asking, what, does he need her permission? it’s coffee, after all. he loves coffee. scorpius’ grey eyes are unreadable. he lets out a little laugh. says he’ll get that coffee with rose, then. _

_ lily clears her throat and says he should do that. suddenly, the room is colder. she rubs her arms up and down, then helps him up off the floor. _

_ lily asks if he’d like a glass of water before he goes. after a brief pause, he agrees, says he has an early start tomorrow. dress rehearsals for a symphony concert, and all. _

-

june 2 2035

and then lily’s eyes turn to scorpius, who looks deep in thought. her fingers ache to reach out and smooth the crease in his forehead, to fix a stray hair that’s escaped his styled hair. he looks at the ground, something that might be seen as endearingly anxious to others. he’s prompted to speak by a hand on his shoulder by the officiant. still, though, he takes a moment to breathe.

scorpius seems to be lost in thought. almost daydreaming. it occurs to lily that he could just be trying to remember his vows. in her mind, lily prays this is the case while her heart hopes it’s not. 

scorpius briefly gives his bride a soft smile, though his eyes fly to the floor as soon as he begins.

“rose, you have brought so much light to my life. your smile, your encouragement, your unconditional love is what keeps me going. every performance, every recording session, all i can think of is the way you curl up to listen to my practicing, how you give me advice with fresh ears when i need it, how you encourage me when i’m burnt out.

“your soft singing voice is what lulls me to sleep. your shining blue eyes are the first thing i see when i wake up. your flaming red hair brightens my days, your dazzling smile brings me joy everytime you bless me with it.

“you are so beautiful, inside and out. your love is perfect. i can’t wait to spend the rest of my days with you.”

-

_ december 3 2034 _

_ scorpius and lily really need to stop this reckless habit. _

_ they’re both drunk, again. lily is only buzzed while scorpius doesn’t know his name, again. but he knows hers. lily, lily, lily he says. stop, stop, stop, she replies. _

_ they’re fighting again. firewhisky sharpens lily’s wit while it removes scorpius’ inhibitions, his pride, his shame. lily is so tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. scorpius keeps telling lily he loves her but if she doesn’t feel the same they’ll just pretend none of this ever happened and it’ll never come up again, but it’s come up again and again even as lily denies him every time and they pretend like it never happens the next day. _

_ lily pushes him away, grips his shoulders and holds him arm’s distance away. his grey eyes are pleading. scorpius has always known when she’s lying about what she really wants. so maybe that’s why history repeats itself, why he insists on bringing this matter up while she pushes it down. _

_ lily, he says, please, lily. please. he’s pleading, begging for her to just listen. but lily is steadfast, stone cold in her stubbornness. she tells him that it’ll never work. that they’ll keep destroying each other, keep fighting and keep hurting each other in a vicious cycle that will never end if they let it start. he pleads her to listen to what he has to say. she does not relent. _

_ lily sighs in exasperation. scorpius will never understand that they’re not good for each other. that she will hurt him, and he will inevitably apologize for everything that isn’t his fault, and they will be happy for a good short while until her temper inevitably explodes over something again, and that he cycle will inevitably repeat again and again until they are both withered and gone. _

_ so she does something that hurts her. hurts him. but it’s for the greater good, isn’t it? lily looks scorpius deep in the eyes and quietly tells him to run back to rose. to go back to the girl who will accept him, always, while lily will not. to the girl who will wait patiently, while lily grows wilder the more she has to wait for him to change. to the girl who will listen to his music while lily gets on with her life. _

_ scorpius staggers back, as if shot. the silence is deafening in the absence of their shouting. scorpius’ eyes are steely while he straightens his posture, raising to his full height. scorpius says, on his word, that if this is really what lily wants, that it’s what will happen. _

_ scorpius does not break his word. lily knows this. she knows this will be better for him. so she tells him to go because she feels nothing for him now. _

_ and once he’s gone, once she’s started suffocating in silence, she lets out a sob and sinks to the floor. _

_ this doesn’t matter to her stubborn heart. _

-

june 2 2035

the officiant speaks, but his words are drowned out by the buzzing in lily’s ears.

the pounding of her heart reaches a crescendo as it accelerates. sweat forms on her brow while she takes deep breaths. tries to calm down. she focuses on gripping her bouquet of tiny white roses until her fingers are red and white, smoothing her floor-length gown, counting the stars on scorpius’ bow tie. breathing. in, and out. in, and out.

but still, her feet are ready to run, but they’re stuck to the ground. her mouth is dry and her fingers twitch as if they want to grab onto those stars on his bow tie. lily fights to keep her composure. fights to stay okay.

it feels like everyone is watching her, but whenever she looks, the guests are all watching scorpius and rose. they’re watching the perfect couple, but lily still feels like everyone knows her secret.

her mind is racing and suddenly that officiant says “speak now or forever hold your peace,” but lily’s mouth is glued shut and she can’t speak. of course she can’t speak now, right now when it’s speak now or forever hold your peace because it’s rose, she can’t do that to rose, she’s always looked out for rose, wanted to give her the best things.

but is this the best thing for rose?

-

_ january 30 2035 _

_ lily is reading again. anna karenina. it’s quite long and winding in the manner that the story is told, but interesting if she pays attention. unfortunately, this is not the case because her mind is on scorpius. again. _

_ she fidgets with her bookmark as her mind drifts. a year earlier, she’d just about given rose permission to pursue love by asking out scorpius. she’d denied his advances again and again, and had even encouraged him to try again with rose. _

_ watching scorpius and rose, it seems like it’d been worth it. rose is happy, glowingly happy, and flourishing in her career as a part-time muggle studies professor at hogwarts, apparating back to london with scorpius to fill her days with music. scorpius is loved, and appreciated, and understood, because rose isn’t like lily.  _

_ rose is not stubborn or tempestuous or extreme like lily. no, she is loving and eager to please and flexible and caring. scorpius is sweet and idealistic and trusting. rose and scorpius, scorpius and rose, it comes so naturally. so easily. _

_ ensured happiness of the two she cares most about — her two lifelong best friends— was never guaranteed if lily had never orchestrated such events. but it’s too late for all that, now. lily swallows and shuts her book. her eyes well up with tears and she lets them fall. it’s worth it, she concludes. it’s all worth it. _

_ worth it, because now rose and scorpius are engaged. rose is over the moon — the first thing she did was apparate to lily’s flat to tell her the news. lily exclaimed and oohed and awed over the glistening diamond on rose’s ring finger. the two celebrated with a glass of champagne each before rose decided to return before too long. _

_ lily places the brick of the book onto a side table as she lies down on the sofa. she takes a deep breath while she processes. _

_ scorpius had proposed out of the blue. rose sat in her usual position, grading papers at the kitchen table while listening to scorpius compose. he’d taken her by the hand and had her listen to his most recent composition. for rose, it said.  _

_ variations on a wedding march were subtly woven through the melody, until scorpius sat rose down on the bench. rose said yes as soon as he got down on one knee. _

-

june 2 2035

rose beams as she turns to take both of scorpius’ hands in her own. he turns to her, after a beat, and smiles back.

-

_ june 1 2035 _

_ the next few months speed by in a blur. lily works at the potions lab as usual in the day, but as soon as she’s home, she helps rose pick out color schemes and themes and dresses and flowers. then she reclines on her sofa with a good book and a steaming mug of hot cocoa, and then passes out on her bed and does the same thing the next day. and the next. and the next. _

_ suddenly, the wedding is tomorrow and the one and only lily luna potter stands, holding up six fingers to a barmaid as her best friend staggers up to her and puts his arm across her shoulders. she can smell the firewhiskey on his breath.  _

_ “lilyyy,” he says with a slow drawl, “did you order those all just for me?” _

-

june 2 2035

the officiant is speaking, again. words are coming out of his mouth. lily struggles to understand this basic concept, because all she knows right now is her beating heart and the flush in her face, growing warmer now as she struggles.

-

_ june 1 2035 _

_ “you’ve got to go now, haven’t you? go and get ready for tomorrow.” scorpius keeps his solemn gaze on hers for a moment before giving her a smirk and staggering off. _

_ in any case, she has to go. so lily shrugs her coat back on and apparates back to her apartment. she unlocks her door and puts her keys in a wooden bowl in front of a mirror before hanging her coat.  _

_ “get a grip,” she tells herself. “you need to be ready for tomorrow.” _

_ so she relaxes her tense features and prepares herself for bed. lily is fast asleep before midnight. she dreams of the past. what was, and what should have been. _

_ but then there’s a sharp knocking on her front door. lily fades in and out of sleep, confused, before she remembers the wards she’s put up to prevent direct apparation into her flat. so she slides on a robe and swings open her door, where scorpius stands. he turns around and catches her brown eyes in his grey gaze. _

_ she is transfixed for half a moment before she sighs. “scorpius, what are you doing here?” _

-

june 2 2035

the man at the front who is called the officiant gestures for the ringbearer to come forward. rose takes a ring and scorpius takes a ring and they slide the rings onto each others’ ring fingers.

lily looks down at her left hand. she does not have a ring. she shakes her head and tells herself to snap out of it. to focus.

-

_ june 1 2035 _

_ lily soon learns that scorpius is only here to quarrel. it’s like they’re teenagers again. they are having the exact same argument that they have always had, and lily knows how it will end. he will beg her to believe in him and she will keep her glass facade up and he will leave and she will collapse.  _

_ but when she looks into his eyes, she thinks desperately that maybe, just maybe, it will be different this time. maybe he will understand. _

_ such hopeful aspirations are shattered when scorpius opens his mouth again. he snaps, “why have you never listened to me, lily? lily, lily, lily. lily, listen to me.” _

_ her eyes are daggers. “there’s no point, scorpius. you, you are getting married! tomorrow! to my best friend! i still don’t understand why you’ve come here.” _

_ scorpius comes closer even as she backs away. “to make you listen, lily dearest. i. love you. i have always loved you. i have loved you from the beginning and i will love you until the end. even if you shatter me, even if you break my heart over and over again.” _

_ she pushes him away because she can’t get a breath. because she is suffocating. scorpius pursues, relentless. “lily, lily, lily. that is the only word my heart will ever know. even when you tell it to learn other names. even when you tell me to run away to rose. i have always tried and i will always try to be yours.”  _

_ scorpius is gaining on her, blocking the door. lily is cursing her decision to hire those people to make apparation impossible in her own domain. she is being backed into a corner by scorpius, so she has to go on the offensive. “you will always try to be mine? as i break your heart, over and over again? well, make no mistake,” lily scoffs, her eyes simmering with a quiet fire. “i’m not the one who got myself engaged to someone else. that’s on you.” _

_ scorpius balls his fists and groans in exasperation. “i’ve only ever done what you’ve wanted me to. i will always do what you want. but know, just know, that i will always be yours.” _

_ lily raises an eyebrow. “you’ll always do what i want? well, what i want,” she croaks, “is for you to leave. god, i can’t even look at you right now. i can’t look at you now, and i won’t be able to look at you tomorrow when you’ve forgotten all your drunken stupor. because you don’t mean this. you’re just reverting to that old cycle, and i can’t let it happen. so leave. i want you to leave.” _

_ scorpius shakes his head stubbornly. “you don’t want that. lily, i know you. i know us. this will keep happening, but we can stop it before it’s too late. it’s that cycle you always talk about. yes, we will hurt each other. but i will never love anyone else the same way i love you. and you know it’s the same for you too. even if you refuse to say it. we both know you love me, with all of your heart. no matter how much you deny it.” _

_ they are both still. scorpius is panting. lily’s eyes are wide, wild. “out,” she croaks, gesturing desperately at the door. “get the bloody hell out of my apartment. it’s much too late now, and you know that.”  _

_ scorpius pleads one last time. tears threaten to spill out from his grey eyes. he drops down to both knees. he’s no longer panting because his chest is now heaving with gasping breaths. “please, lily.” _

_ she steels herself. “goodbye, scorpius.” _

_ lily turns around. when she looks back, he is gone. “i love you,” she whispers. _

_ “i love you, scorpius.” _

-

june 2 2035

and then that officiant gestures. rose says, “i do.”

lily watches scorpius as he gapes. the guests shift, sensing something deeper than innocent daydreaming or endearing anxiety when scorpius flounders for much too long. his mouth opens and closes, opens and closes, but no sound comes out. his eyes flit to rose, who is joyous then expectant then confused then frowning, waiting, holding her breath. he sneaks a glance at lily, who feels nothing but cool numbness. he looks at his father, who looks scandalized and perplexed and so, so tired. of what, scorpius can only guess.

every witch and wizard in the hall holds their breath. they silently urge him to say the words. say i do, scorpius. just say it. say i do.

in that moment, he is a deer in headlights, an innocent surrounded by dementors, a guilty child with his hand in the cookie jar. he seems a child. and his grey gaze flits again from rose to the officiant to his still father to lily to rose to lily to rose. 

and his eyes are grey. 

piercing. 

familiar. 

the gaze she’s always known, resting on her.


End file.
